e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

hey, yup yup..the production is finally over..i'm feeling extremely tired...mentally and emotionally. right from the start till the end, so many things had happened..

thank you everyone who had put in so much effort - front stage/backstage ppl..thank you very very much...to the young ones...looking at you all serve really touched my heart

things that others dun get to see, the problems, struggles, discussions, negotiations and alot of other matters...

initially i was ok, then after all the walks on the rough roads, when i finally get to settle everything, i'm already drained..but how many really understand what's really going on..its really easy for ppl to say ''you're just not gd enough'', ''you never fight for your rights'', ''you should do this'', bla bla bla...talk is cheap, as always...

i doubt anyone could understand the tears that rolled down my cheeks when the whole thing ended..

anyway, pics up..

then its you, then another you, then another you, then another you...it was terrible to accumulate all these things together...then later on ____ happens..the ___ was bad, ...its worse when its mixed up with reality, this love hate relationship, this whole thing, i dunno when isit gonna end..one time you're like so nice, the next moment its as if you're having PMS..but how will you be able to experience PMS..o well, hormones fluctuations then...its all the same old story repeating...your favourite way of handling things - runaway...this time round i'm tired, i won't ask any _____ out of ya cos there's no point in doin all these things anymore...so i was talking to bud that i really dun understand why you just keep running away...she reminded me that i should know you're always like that, you'll runaway from problems when you dunno how to handle them..o yeah...selfish you, you run away so i had to shoulder everything upon myself, mature up man, you gotta learn to get out of your comfort zone and stop playing this silly game of urs...

act like whoever you want in front of others..pull down your _____ mask when you're in front of me or stay away for good...

you'd scarred me, that's for sure...

but thank you en...your presence lighted my evening..haha..cos of the good news that you told me. congrats to you and your GF=) jiayou o!! have a blessed your mission trip!

thanks bestie..was good that you din have to be quarentined..that i can see you and talk to you...

on the lighter note...steamboat 2 weeks ago with Ds was superb...laughter and food..guess we gulped more gas than food..haha...but everything was gd..sorry huang, couldn't drink with you cos i wasn't well..this fri? chill aft dinner ya?!!!=)

the baby darling that brightens me up whenever i see her=)

tata..`i'm fine...i'll be...with God, with Ds, with baby, and... with some friends..=)

feliciagarfield
1:21 AM

when all came crashing down..where are you?...

feliciagarfield
1:56 AM

went to send the wheelock pepx some time last week..there wasn't any emo-ness out there..but..wahaha..alot of laughter...like i'd never tried to tell so many lame stuffs till i felt like i'm so out of energy..

pls be safe all my loves!!..be safe to bring our souvenirs back too=)

some course pics..abt 2weeks ago..8days of 9.30-5.30 course..its WoNDERful...with the W spelt upside down..but anyway..we managed to pull through and survived..haha..

3 weeks back...went to kluang with churchies, got some clothes back..amazed by my shopping and find good stuffs skills..haha...got what i wanted...

my lesbo..haha..joke.

my bao bei...

feliciagarfield
10:30 PM

hihi..

updates..

really thank God that i survived through the case conferences, the night classes, the day classes, the assignments, the presentation..

now, left with 4 case conferences, 1 presentation, and the on going night classes...

pics of kluang and day course up soon...

yupz..

too busy now a days..

i need to spend quality time with my love =)

hmm, worry or being anxious reflects that i dun trust God enough..hmmm...

feliciagarfield
9:53 PM

a leopard never changes its spots..and how true can that be..

its like you'd been trying to cover your spots..but its slowing showing out now..

no use hiding..cos, you're just covering it..

not a deep down wanna change heart..

loser...

feliciagarfield
11:18 PM

halo dear...

.....back here to blog a lil..hmm..

life's been really busy...i neva reach home with the sun still around everyday..and the thing is, by the time i reach home, its almost time to turn in..and when i want to do a lil more things and stay awake longer, i'll be ultra ultra tired the next day..and so the cycle goes on and on and on...brrr...

but i'm getting use to the routine tiredness..but, i'll still need to steal some time to rest and relax..hmm.

some v random stuff..went to grand copthrone for a hula night themed DnD 2 weeks back...the food was ultra good..yupyup=)

some pics update...haha..so, here's a lil work fun and class fun..

tonns of reports that are never ending...

street soccer match yest..yeah..it was a good work out aft all the stressful stuffs that had been stored in my mind..tired but nice game..=) like you just run and focus on the match, so the rest of the stuffs are all thrown to the back of your mind..yeah..exercise relaxes your mind...=)

Randoms...look at jiajun..so terrified by amos..haha..

back at work today...case conference later...

i'll do things that you dislike form now on...so that you go away from me and i draw away from you..=)

feliciagarfield
10:04 AM

i love you...

feliciagarfield
12:43 AM

yo baby, i'm back..did you miss me?=)

o well...back from the lil mini getway..it was awesome..but, too short...din get to bum alot cos time was too short..

and..i lost my half jacket that i got last week for my hula night D&D..aww...pls, let me find it soon..i must have dumped it somewhere..o yeah..guess some knew that my company's D&D just passed so what's this?..ahahaha..its an invitation from some1..=) haha..

was really pissed with myself that i misplaced that half jacket/cardigan thingy..decided to browse throught the get away pics and blog a lil to feel betta...

o well...how should i start?...pics up i guess..

met up with the Ds early in the morning..

ferried...reached our destination...left our stuffs at the resort, off to shopping=)

managed to get some stuff before heading back to the resort..headed back to the room to rest and change, had a swim after that...

then it was dinner time..yeah, no food pics cos i was really hungry and..haha..what matters more's the ppl there...

the food at this resort's so much better..really...everything there's so much better than the resort that i had went last yr..haha..

headed back to rest awhile then headed to the lounge for drinks...

had irish coffee..i thot it would taste the same like baileys..nope..it dosen't..really..baileys so much betta=)

send mich back to the room cos she was at the verge of knocking out, decided to walk her back cos i was worried abt her safety ..took some pic of the red face after the irish coffee..then headed down to the lounge to join them again..

thanks huang and prisc, for listening to what i got to say..cos it was one of my objective for this lil getaway, to straighten out some thoughts that had been in me for a very long time..thanks for helping me to see things in a clearer pic..i never had the courage to admit/ i just din want to admit that the feelings were there..but i guess it was time to really settle it, so i had to say it out in order for me to see things betta and for my friends to help me..thanks lots huang and prisc=) guess its time to draw the line, its difficult, but it just gotta start somewhere...its always like you need me, i had to be there, when you dun need me, i should just continue to be there till you need me again, why do you treat me like that?..like you're trying to be a lil chuvanistic here eh, and to trust that i had always been secretly maybe having some feelings for you..yes i say maybe cos i'm really unsure abt it...when you're nice to me, you're really nice, when you are not, i really felt dumb/ped..
perhaps prisc was right, you're still superficial and immature..hope all the things that you had went through would force you to grow up..
and stop thinking that you know me very well, cos, i'd changed...and you really dunno me well..trust me..really..

thanks huang and prisc=)

headed back to the room when the rest of the gurls finished their spa/massage..

truly amazed by prisc's RABBIT..which part of it really looks like it? but anyway, its her precious=)